neighborhood kids

[Sally Spoken]

Dear Sally,

Let me start by saying that my children aren't exceptional to the bratty rule.............they have their moments, like any other kids. However, we're having a little problem with my nine year old's classmates.

This team, a brother and sister who are also nine, lives about 6 hours down the street. Normally, I'm *very* tolerable when it comes to kids. However, these ones are far from typical.

These children tell my child that she has "abnormal parents" because we don't "allow her to do anything cool". Here's a few examples of what's cool to them:

Roaming the streets until 11 pm
Playing on the ROOF of their house
Beating the tar out of one another, UFC style
Stealing things from yards/patios in the neighborhood

But this isn't all. The kids were caught stealing kittens by the lady who lives behind our house. When she asked that they return the kittens, the kittens were placed on her porch the following morning - dead. I told the woman to call the police, but she wouldn't do so because she fears the duo's father.

I've told these kids to stay away from my home until they can learn to conduct themselves like respectable human beings. This worked for a few days, then they began riding their bikes in circles in front of my house, calling my daughters colorful expletives.

I've tried speaking with their mother, but this gal is from another planet. Her answer to everything is that "kids will be kids". To a point, I can agree with that, but isn't there a time when you need to put your foot down, and instill some morals and values in these heathens?

I'm at my wits end. We've been here for 2 years, and I'm already looking forward to moving as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

Signed,
Awfully mean abnormal parent

Dear parent,

What a tough situation. Sally has hesitated in her response to your dilemma several times, as there are many areas of concern.

Sally is glad you have attempted to speak with the mother regarding your concerns. Sally would recommend you plan to do it one more time, and document the conversation for your records. Sally feels you need to be completely honest with her and let her know that if you do not see behavioral and parental care improvements, you are planning to call the authorities.

At that time, if there continues to be no change, Sally would counsel you to call your local department of social services. These children are being neglected and are in danger. Roaming the streets late at night and the total lack of parental supervision could be considered child abuse.

Also, when dealing with the specific issue of the kittens, the police did need to be called. Not calling the police or the department of social services does nothing to help these children. Obviously they are crying out for the attention that they are not getting from their own household, and unfortunately, don't know how to do that in a socially appropriate way.

Sally urges you to counsel your children to not be friends with these kids, and to let you know whenever there is something inappropriate going on (such as yelling expletives, dead kittens, etc). Document every incidence.

Sally does not take the advice she is giving you lightly. Sally would usually counsel someone to not get involved with the dysfunctional lives of others. However, in this case, Sally feels the underage children's wellbeings negates the need for tact and diplomacy in this case. These children need someone to advocate for them, and if the parents won't do it, then someone else must help these children get the assistance they deserve.

Best of luck to you.

Regards,
Sally

[Dr. HEMIwoman]

Man, what a tough call with this situation....I have been wanting to post on this thread, but couldn't decide my opinion! I almost hesitate to call the authorities sometimes, as it can cause backlash....but I do agree that a child's welfare comes first.

Kids will be kids is never an excuse for inappropriate behavior!!!! You need a license for so much in this world...a shame you don't need a license to bring a child into the world!

[Evil95GT]

Sue, I *totally* agree with you. :yup:

Per Sally's advice, I decided to talk to the mother of the children - again. IMO, both she and the father need some good inpatient treatment, but again, that's not my call. Here's how the conversation went.

I did my best to be tactful and NOT judgmental (which took tremendous restraint...........under normal circumstances, a spade is a spade). I explained that these kids need a little more guidance, because it's apparent they don't have a clue what the diff is between right and wrong. I also told her that I feel it's EXTREMELY dangerous for the children to be wandering the streets after dark, as well as playing on the roof of their home. I told her that I was aware of the kitten dilemma, and told her that in my opinion, she should have the kids evaluated by a professional because of their desire to hurt harmless animals.

So this is what I got in return........

Apparently, I'm "old fashioned", and need to "lighten up" when it comes to my parenting style. She explained that her kids aren't playing on the roof or roaming the streets in her presence...........they're doing it while she and the father are down the street AT THE BAR! :banghead: She told me that she has been leaving the kids alone since they were 8, because they're "responsible enough that they're not going to burn the house down". She told me that she feels I'm overbearing. She further feels that someday I'll be in for a big surprise when my kids are angry with me for being so strict. :rolleye:

I *love* the way that I'm suddenly the abnormal parent for showing my concerns, which are MORE than validated.

So, I asked her if she would talk to her kids about ignoring MY kids, and taunting them. She told me that she's not willing to "hand select" her children's friends. By this time, I'm pretty pissed off.

So.............yesterday was the straw that broke the camel's back. Jerry and I were sitting on the porch for about 10 minutes talking, when the little girl appeared and asked if she could use the phone. She was locked out of her house, 10:45 at night, and wanted me to look in the phone book for the number to "The Tack Room". :soapbox: I brought them in until the drunken mother retrieved them 15 minutes later. She told me she'd "do the same for me". :shame:

So today, I went and spoke with an officer about the strange things that have been going on, and the mother's apparent lack of interest in watching over her children. He stated that they'll start patrolling this street more, and that if they actually catch any of this in action, someone is in hot water.

I don't want to get people in trouble,. I really don't. But when it comes to kids that aren't exactly safe, like them or not, I'm not about to sit back and wait until something really crappy happens.

Thanks Sally and Sue!

[JP]

When it comes to kids, I don't accept BS from anyone - parents or not.

The sperm and egg donors (that's what they are - they don't qualify as parents to me) deserve no compasion. You tried to call attention to areas that concern you - and would concern the State of Ohio if they knew, but they didn't care or change.

Next time it happens, call the police and let them and child welfare sort it out. I hate it when children and parents are split up - but these children need parents, not a phone # to the bar and microwave mac and cheese.

With all the stuff that happens - kidnappings, home fires, hit & runs when the kids are on the street at 10:45pm.... YOU would feel horrible if you didn't at least try to stop it via the legal system.

Just my opinion of course.

[cadzilla74]

Keep the video camera handy and Child Protective Services on speed dial ... if they have already killed animals the "accidental" death of another child is not far off ... it's bad enough when one little psychotic goes undiagnosed, when there are two they feed off one another's daring and lack of a moral compass ... the parents who see nothing wrong with the behavior of Mommy's/Daddy's little tax deductions are simply stoking a fire that will not be put out without intervention ...

[Dr. HEMIwoman]

Good point on the video camera....I wouldn't have thought of that Art...

I just hate it for the kids....they are going to need TONS of therapy.